IVF in January????

Frustration and sadness... I can't stop crying I feel like a complete idiot... I started to bleed yesterday morning... such a bummer we were at a company Christmas party all weekend... Everyone had so many comments as I graciously passed by on all sushi expensive wine as well as a wine tour.... They joked about why I was not joining in and we laughed with them and remained silent... I began to hope and pray and for a little bit even imagine it was true... That somehow this was finally it... That after all the surgery tests and last 2 months of drama we were finally on the other side.... I even had nausea and slept all day.. What a cruel joke as I woke up in blood... Today we decided that IVf is the only option since I get so sick they can control me better... However financially if we get pregnant we will maybe be able to afford the diapers after we add this and all of the time I will miss of work again to the tally... I begin to wonder if it is all worth it then I think of my future and how it felt to hold my son years ago... What it is like even now to be called Mom and I know it is worth it if it works... However after all of this disappointment I wonder if I can survive a failed IVF.... How can I even think about what the call will be like with another negative after going through that... But then I imagine the other call the one I have been waiting for the one that says the demons and memories of all this horrible pain are over and finally I will be a mom again.. That is what I am trying to hold on to... so we are going to try IVF in January... Starting about one month or so from today with retrieval in February if it all works out.....

Here we go again

Well trying agin this month... Actually toward the end of this journey again.... Once again I got to experience the hyperstimulation nausea ect that I had last time. This time however we almost cancelled the cycle several times as well as attempting to turn it into an IVF cycle when we had way too many eggs cooking on the wrong side.. Now one week post IUI I am trying not o be nerotic or anxious but it is so hard... At time I feel pregnant and others know I am not... Either way I know it was ment to be and trying to wait for perfect timimg that I can not control... One week from today all of the waiting will be over and either we are done or start saving for IVF in February.... Either option is exciting however I prefer to hope that this is it and we are all done with IF and ready to move on to being parents ..