Recognizing a miracle

15 years ago to this day I had one of those life changing experiences..... As I look back as I have done for the last 15 years there are so many things that I wish I wold have know then .... As a 19 year old facing a very unplanned pregnancy I cried on this day as though my life were ending and yet I wish I would have known that it was probably the best and one of the most significant moments of my life...... Today I cry because the stick did not have two lines and because I feel fine..... Some of the similarities are the same... I then had a hard time getting out of bed and facing my future that seemed so bleak.... Today I have a hard time getting out of bed because once again the future looks so bleak.... However I am learning through both unplanned pregnancy and infertility that God will get me through this as he has the last 15 years... Although I cant plan the outcome I can trust him in the journey...... I have neglected him for so long and tried and planned on my own but realize that I really need to go back to the basics and stand or actually kneel before him like I did 15 years ago and pray for his mercy grace and forgiveness for whatever life holds........ Above all else I need to recognize the one true miracle in my life.... I am so gratefull for being able to be a Mom.... I guess I just need to realize that I already haveone more miracle then a lot of people... I wish I would have known then to enjoy the journey and love every minute of the life and circumstances I was given.. My prayer today is to somehow enjoy this journey the same way hoping and praying that 15 years from now this experience will also prove to be a different type of life changing experience..........

Try Try Again

Well this month is not going to be it..... So we will try again in a few months... Sad, depressed, and frustrated....... Infertility Sucks......

All Better...

Finally feeling so much better..... Which actually is not really a good sign but very nice to feel almost normal.... The official test date is on Friday...... Probably not going to be the month because of all of this drama but there is anlways an other month and as always life is what happens when you are trying to make plans... Back to work on Thursday yeah.... Cant wait to get life back to normal...

More Drama....

Woke up yesterday morning with severe nausea and pain and a huge swollen belly.... Rested all day but woke up in even more pain then yesterday... The doctor said I have Ovarian Hyper Stimulation or OHSS.... So I am now on bedrest and off work for 10 days... So praying this is a good sign and actually that it doesn't improve as that is a sign of pregnancy..... So for now movies and rest....